1. |
My Bachelor Ways
03:24
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Verse 1
I love the bachelor life
Never thought I’d want no other
All this time, free as a bird
But now I discover
Your sweet smile and your sweet kiss
Have got me in a daze
You could make me change My Bachelor Ways.
Verse 2
I’ll tell you every day I love you
How else would you know?
And I’ll give up the remote control
So you could watch your show
If we pass another hot mama on the street
You know I’ll avert my gaze
You could make me change my bachelor ways
Bridge
I won’t go out on the town at night
That way you’ll know where I’ve been
And I’ll always leave the seat down
That way you won’t fall in
Verse 3
I won’t drink straight from the carton, honey
Instead I’ll use a glass
And I won’t wait for the flies to gather
Before I take out the trash
These last 30 years, that ain’t nothin’ but a phase
You could make me change my bachelor ways
Re-Bridge
I won’t go out on the town at night
That way you’ll know where I’ve been
And I’ll always leave the seat down
You won’t have to tell me again
Verse 1 repeat
I love the bachelor life
Never thought I’d want no other
All this time, free as a bird
But now I discover
Your sweet smile and your sweet kiss
Have got me in a daze
You could make me change My Bachelor Ways.
©2021 David Nelson Ostrosser
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2. |
Power Tool Sunday
03:15
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Refrain :
Well it's a Power Tool Sunday
Too beautiful for words
It's a power tool Sunday
You can almost hear the birds
I love to sit out in my backyard
In the summertime
Verse 1 :
Neighbour of mine, it's not that you're a bad person
And I wouldn't want for our cordial relations to worsen
But would you please refrain
From sounding like a train
When you're beheading your lawn
Refrain 2 :
It's a Power Tool Sunday
Hear the two-stroke engines
It's a power tool Sunday
Feel the rise in tensions
I love to sit out in my backyard
In the summertime
Verse 2 :
Neighbour of mine, I know you're always worried 'bout your woodpile
But summer's here, and winter won't be comin' for a good while
And you'd be banking up some karma
If you fired up the Husquavarna
On a day that wasn't Sunday
Bridge :
You've got your leaf-blower
You've got your lawnmower
You've got your power drill that you wouldn't trade
You've got your hedge trimmer
You feel like a winner
'Cause Sunday is the day that Lowe's hath made
(Refrain)
It's a Power Tool Sunday (ad infinitum)
©2021 David Nelson Ostrosser
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3. |
Just The Way I Planned
04:30
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Lyrics
I bought a black Trans-Am ‘bout a year ago
Every school boy’s dream
That seemed so out of reach for me in my teens
But I just kept believin’
I would not let it go
Though lately I’ve been treated like an enemy by the Greens
Financial independence is coming into view
I can finally do just what I please
In winter time I’ll find the sun
Or get away to ski
Though I can’t do too much on these achin’ knees
Well look at my dreams all coming true
Isn’t it just grand?
How everything is working out
Just the Way I Planned.
Shannon was my heart’s desire
When I was in high school
But some other guy came and swept her off her feet
But I swore in my teenage heart
She’d be mine some day
And that from that moment our world would be complete
Well we tied the knot last summer
I’d won her wrinkled hand
Now everything is working out
Just the way I planned
As young men watching our heroes play
I’d made up my mind
That I’d meet up with mine
And we would jam as equals one fine day
Well we made it down to Oklahoma
And in that dingy bar
From his wheelchair, Leon watched us play
I’d told him “We’re 91 with a bullet,
Me and my geriatric band
And everything is working out
Just the way I planned »
©2021 David Nelson Ostrosser
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4. |
Words of God
02:47
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Verse 1
A snowflake melting’ on the tip of my tongue
(Some of the Words of God)
My vinyl collection of Neil Young
(Some of the Words of God)
Chorus
They’re Some of the Words of God, yes
Some of the words of God
Lettin’ us know that there’s so much more
Than this troublesome road we’ve trod
Some of the Words of God, yes
Some of the Words of God
I respect and I believe
They’re some of the Words of God
Verse 2
The Talmud, Kojiki and the Heavenly Cow
(Some of the Words of God)
Anything’ll put you in the Here and Now
(Some of the Words of God)
(Chorus repeat)
Bridge
Every night after supper, Daddy would read from the family Bible
The One and Only Word of God he’d say, as if it were
Undeniable (Well!)
Verse 3
A magic mushroom or a shot of whiskey
(Some of the Words of God)
Einstein’s Theory of Relativity
(Some of the Words of God)
Final Chorus
They’re some of the Words of God, yes
Some of the words of God
Lettin’ us know that there’s a whole lot more
Than this troublesome road we’ve trod
Some of the words of God, yes
Some of the words of God
I respect and I believe
They’re some of the words of God
I respect and I believe
They’re some of the words of God
Some of the Words of God
©2021 David Nelson Ostrosser
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5. |
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Chorus
Little David Play On Your Harp hallelujah (Hallelujah!)
Little David play on your harp hallelu (Hallelu!) [repeat]
When David was a little bitty boy
He killed Goliath, and he jumped for joy
(Chorus)
Well God told Noah, “Go build an ark,
Take balsam wood, and hickory bark”
(Chorus)
Well it began to rain, such a terrible sight!
It rained forty days, and forty nights.
(Chorus)
(Traditional)
Arrangement ©2021 David Nelson Ostrosser
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6. |
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Chorus 1
A strawberry blonde with a fluffy mic
Breathing soft and light
Will get me through the night
A strawberry blonde with a fluffy mic
Blowing in my ear
So I can feel her near
Verse 1
I don't need a starlet by my side
I know I could never be satisfied
I don't need a lover to be with me
She'd only break my heart relentlessly
Chorus 2
But a strawberry blonde with a fluffy mic
Whispering soft and low
Ça c'est tellement beau
A strawberry blonde with a fluffy mic
To make my world complete
I put her on Repeat
Verse 2
I don't need a pill to make me dream
And I'm not as lonely as I seem
I can never really be alone
With a strawberry blonde with a fluffy microphone
End Chorus
A strawberry blonde with a fluffy mic
Blowing in my ear
A strawberry blonde with a fluffy mic
Breathing soft and light
Will get me through the night
©2021 D. N. Ostroser / R. Gely
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7. |
Mary Would Know My Name
04:43
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Verse 1
If I were a football hero
With muscles across my back
All the beautiful girls, all the lovely young ladies
Would be panting on my track
If I could walk into class
Still with mud on my ass
After winning another game
I could walk down the hall with my head up high
And Mary Would Know My Name
Verse 2
If I were a rock guitarist
With a heavy electric beat
All the beautiful girls, all the lovely young ladies
Would be dancing at my feat
Well if I were the rage
Wailing up on the stage
When the time for the concert cameç
I could walk down the street with my guitar in my hand
And Mary would know my name
Refrain
But Mary doesn't even know who I am
Mary doesn't even seem to give a damn
Verse 3
If I were a famous actor
Racing motorcycles on the side
All the beautiful girls, all the lovely young ladies
Would want to come take a ride
If I drove a hot car, or if I had a starDown at Hollywood and Vine
I’d just walk up and say
“Listen Mary, hey, tonight I’m gonna’ make you mine”
I’d get her a mink coat and a motorboat
Together we’d make the scene
And then no other guy
Would try to give her the eye
In case I was feeling mean
Refrain
But Mary doesn’t even know who I am
Mary doesn’t even seem to give a damn
©2021 David Nelson Ostrosser
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8. |
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Refrain :
Cover Up Your Faceholes Baby
We're goin' out tonight
Don't forget to forget your lipstick
'Cause they might as well be white
Nobody wants to see your ruby lips
These days it just ain't right
So cover up your faceholes baby, tonight
Verse :
Your favourite band will be playing
And we'll all want to sing along
They're down at the drive-in theatre
And we'll honk after every song
A tribal rock and roll experience
What more could you ask?
Although they might not hear you cheering through the mask
(Refrain)
Bridge :
Later it'll be just you and me
A little romance, a little class
Sittin' in a fancy restaurant
Behind the plexiglas
They'll bring us our cordon bleu
Under a silver bell
It'll look just great but it
Might taste like Purell
(Refrain)
©2021 David Nelson Ostrosser
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9. |
Reunited By Lice
05:00
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Lyrics
Funny such a little thing
Could lead us back to the tenderness that
Love can bring.
(spoken)
You know, it's been quite a while now since you and I split and went our separate ways.
Separate, yes, except for one thing – our beautiful little boy – our most precious possession. We wanted him to always be
able to see his Mommy and Daddy, so it's only natural that we take turns taking care of him : getting him off to school, helping with his homework, and yes, making sure that he takes that castor oil that he hates so much. So when little Liam came home from school with a note saying that lice had been found in his hair, well we were ready to cooperate in every way possible. They said the whole family would have to shampoo with a special product, and then one person would have to pick through the other's hair, until all of the little eggs, or « nits », were gone. Little did we know that those tiny creatures would change our lives, so wonderfully.
Refrain :
Reunited By Lice
You've got to do the treatment twice
Reunited by lice
Funny such a little thing,
Could lead us back to the tenderness that
Love can bring
(spoken)
We were a little hesitant at first. It had been so long since we'd seen each other for more than a few minutes – you'd drop him off or I'd pick him up; maybe a few conversations about his hockey practices. But oh, when you took that little green bottle and rubbed that unction into my scalp, your fingers sent an electric shock through my body like I'd never felt before. And then sensing you parting my hair over and over, and removing those little white specks... Pretty soon I was getting that old feeling again. From before the bad times, before the lies and recriminations. I could tell that you felt it too, and now we're together again and it's never been better. Little Liam is the happiest kid on the block. And now, if he comes home with one of those notes, we smile and head for the pharmacy cabinet.
Refrain :
Reunited By Lice
You've got to do the treatment twice
Reunited by lice
Funny such a little thing,
Could lead us back to the tenderness that
Love can bring
Bridge :
There's a new love we share now
Though long ago we'd called it quits
You're running your fingers through my hair now
Looking for the nits.
(Refrain)
©2021 David Nelson Ostrosser
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10. |
Pocket Call
02:55
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Verse 1
It was just another Pocket Call
But I can't get it out of my mind
Like when you're shopping at the mall
And you're coming through my telephone line
But that usually brings a smile and that's all
To get your pocket call
Verse 2
It was just another pocket call
I know it's just an everyday thing
Your in the laundromat or bathroom stall
And my telephone starts to ring
But the smile on my face turned to stone
When I picked up the telephone
And I heard somebody moan
(Disco / sound effects interval)
Bridge
I'd never think you wouldn't be true
But now I can't help worryin' 'bout me and you
You don't know how it made me feel
Listening in like a stranger was so unreal
I felt just like a fly on the wall
Hearing that pocket call.
Verse 1 repeat
It was just another Pocket Call
But I can't get it out of my mind
Like when you're shopping at the mall
And you're coming through my telephone line
But that usually brings a smile and that's all
To get your pocket call
It's just a pocket call.
©2021 David Nelson Ostrosser
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11. |
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Verse 1
Everybody's home for the holidays
Presents in their bags
Everyone's got a tag
And I saw one there for you, and you, and you.
Decorations, cards on the mantle
Grandma's cooking up a storm
The fire there to keep us warm
With a little nip of rhum and egg nog too.
Refrain
Well it's a Sappy Sentimental Solstice Season
Everybody's feelin' fine
We're all family and that's a real good reason to be happy.
Yes it's a sappy sentimental solstice season
I can hear the church bells chime
I love that sappy sentimental solstice time.
Verse 2
You and me meet out on the balcony
Kissin' in the evening light
That's shinin' as I hold you tight
And reflecting on the snow-covered fields around.
They won't miss us, they're too busy singing
Holiday melodies
Our noses are about to freeze
But we've got the warmest love we've ever found.
(Refrain)
Bridge
Everybody loves this time of year
It just seems to go by so fast
The songs, the laughter and the cheer
We wish that we could make it last
Make it last!
(Refrain)
©2021 David Nelson Ostrosser
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12. |
All Of Your Underwear
03:36
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Verse 1
Out on the road with a music band,
Playin' hotels and-a one night stands
You can lose your love if you go too far,
Pick another one up in the very next bar.
Verse 2
Suffice to say I've known one or two
Enthusiastic when they first meet you
To prove their love and to show they care
They throw out all of your underwear.
Verse 3
If you could see what I've got on
It's a curious phenomenon
First thing they do when they grab a boy
Is they gotta' take charge of the Undertoys
Chorus 1
If you've got solids she'll want stripes
If you've got darks well they'll want lights
The consommation of a new romance
She's gotta buy all new underpants
If you've got boxers they'll want briefs
Makin' it obvious where's the beef
To prove their love and to show they care
They throw out all of your underwear.
Verse 4
Predominatin' my laundry pile,
You may recognize the bikini style
In a year maybe less if she likes my songs
My new love'll have me paradin' in thongs
Verse 5
Out go the Pumas and the Calvin Kleins
All in the name of bringin' out behinds
Exact reverse of what the last one chose
And the loveliest of all were the Unicos
(Chorus 1 Repeat)
Chorus 2
If you've got reds well she’ll go whites
If you've got loose she’ll want ‘em tight
The consommation of a new romance
She's gotta buy all new underpants
If you've got boxers she'll want briefs
Makin' it obvious where's the beef
To prove their love and to show they care
They throw out all of your underwear.
Final chorus
If you've got boxers they'll want briefs
Even Eve hated Adam's old fig leaf
To prove her love and to show she cared
She threw out all of his underwear
©2021 David Nelson Ostrosser
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David Nelson Ostrosser Gatineau, Québec
DNO (David Nelson Ostrosser) grew up in BC but now lives in Gatineau Québec. He has sporadically released music over several decades, mostly in the Americana genre, but also some Francophone releases. Working primarily with producer René Gely, DNO has produced a new album in a humorous/tongue-in-cheek vein for 2021. ... more
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